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Marriage Jokes
  • A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
    The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
  • A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
    The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
    The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
  • Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married.
    He says "the wedding rings look too much like minature handcuffs...."

  • God does have a sense of humor.

    A man was praying to God.
    He said, "God!?"
    God responded, "Yes?"
    And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
    "Go right ahead," God said.
    "God, what is a million years to you?"
    God said, "a million years to me is only a second."
    "Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
    God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny."
    So the man said, "God. can I have a penny?"
    And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."

Sardarji Jokes
  • One day Sardarji goes to the doctor and says 'Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts.'
    The doctor says 'OK. Touch your elbow.'
    The Sardarji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.
    The doctor, surprised, says 'Touch your head.'
    The Sardarji touches his head and jumps in agony.
    The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
    Everywhere the Sardar touches it hurts like hell.
    The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with x-rays, etc. and tells the Sardar to come back in two days.
    Two days later the Sardar comes back and the doctor says; 'We've found your problem.'
    Sardarji: 'Oh yeah? What is it?'
    Doctor: 'You've broken your finger!'

  • Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was singing a song. After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started singing again.
    Banta Singh : Santa Singh what is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down.
    Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.

  • Santa singh and Banta singh are employed in a computer hardware store as movers. One day both of them are asked to move some computers. Santa Singh being energetic that day doesn't feel the computer to be heavy at all. At the same time he sees that Banta Singh is struggling very hard to lift his computer. At this Santa Singh says "What Banta, my comp has 500 MB HD and urs has just 250, even then u cannot lift it ?" At this Banta Singh thinks for a while and replies "Thats right, but my HD is full and urs is empty"

  • Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
    "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
    "The scoundrel called back."

  • This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"
    Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"

  • Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

  • Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

  • Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

  • An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector."OK, he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "OK, he says, 8 hamburgers". And the machine is silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ, goes the machine.

  • Sardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be going for every show of the same movie for a week, when someone stops him and asks "Kyon sardarji, itni aachi lagi kya ki roz har show ke liye aar rahe ho?" Sardarji replies "Ek scene hai jahan ek ladki apne sare kapde utar deti hai lekin thabhi ek saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saali train kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi...heh heh!"

  • Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. "What happened?" asked Surjit.
    "Yaar, I lost Rs 800 in a bet yesterday."
    "How come?"
    "Well, yesterday the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs 500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
    "But thats only Rs 500, where did the rest go?" said Surjit Singh.
    "Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!"

  • Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column SEX. He was not sure as to what was to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with an answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

  • Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, "it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'."

  • There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?" .....comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli bar ek sardar "brain" tumour se mara hai!!!"

  • One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly "aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho." Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple curiously asked "Aare Sardarji kya kar raahe ho" sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form." The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi? Sardarji cooly replied "Aare ye form mein leekha hey ke FILL IN CAPITAL."

  • A Sardarji is speaking to his psychiatrist.
    Sardarji: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
    Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a cell phone?"
    Sardarji: "That was a little expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
    Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
    Sardarji: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
    Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
    Sardarji: "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

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Last Revision: Dec 24, 2007 e-mail: ©1998-2008 by Giridhar Pottepalem